Sunday, November 25, 2012

Mark called Friday night. Evan had a red, horrible rash all over his back! So, my friend Lynn and I took Benadryl over to Marks. It was 11 p.m. and stores weren’t open.  Mark wasn’t worried, but  me being a mother and the primary (and basically the only) caretaker I was worried as hell. Mark told me as I hesitated in the doorway that Evan is in good hands.  That was laughable to me, but I couldn’t laugh or say anything cuz I was so worried. After I made sure Evan took the medicine and we got into my car, we sat there for like 5 or 10 minutes while I cried. He needed to be with his mother. He needed me to hold him while he slept, so that I could make sure he didn’t get worse. 

That was very hard for me. It crushed me a little to have to put faith in someone else to take care of my sick boy.  So, Lynn and I went back to my place and watched Abduction with Taylor Laughtner…..twice!! LOL! He is HOT!!

Then last night Lynn and I went to see Boogie and the Yo Yos at The Wild Horse Saloon.  We had a great time.  Of course, her and I were right infront of the stage by Eric.  Normally, we would be over by Tony, but I wanted a different view for pictures.  Towards the end of Boogie, a drunk girl ran into Lynn causing her to run into me causing my phone I was holding in the air recording flew outta my hand, bounce off some equipment and past Eric.  Eric was nice enough to give it back to me.  As I looked at it, I noticed the entire screen was so cracked that I couldn’t even see anything or even get it to work.  In order to turn it off, I had to take the battery out!!

Mark and I did argue today. Well, actually I did all the talking- as usual—while he stood there with the deer in the headlights look.  He got pissed and stormed out. He thought I was “fishing for an argument”.  

Thanksgiving

Friday, November 23

So, Thanksgiving was great!  I was a little worried because it was just me, mom, and the kids.  I didn’t think we could have a good thanksgiving without having a lot of people there.  Even though I spent a lot of time in the kitchen and all day on my feet, it was great! The kids behaved well and were very helpful.  We talked about what the real meaning of thanksgiving is and what we are thankful for.  We listened to Christmas music and set up the tree! The atmosphere was light and happy! Just what I always thought the holidays should feel like. 

 I did invite Mark over.  I actually didn’t think he would stop.  He went to his mothers and they all went out to eat.  Mark showed up and me, him and my mom sat at the kitchen table and talked for an hour, hour and ½.  It was actually fun.  I don’t remember the last time I had fun with him just sitting and talking.  My mother was even in a good mood. It was great.  We didn’t argue or fight and it wasn’t even awkward.  He did mention that his skank (a.k.a. the married girlfriend) would be cooking the turkey when the kids would be there on Saturday. I totally bit my tongue. It was the holiday and I didn’t want to ruin it.  He even asked to hear it. I said it was my thanksgiving present to him.  I refuse to fight on the holidays!!

Preface

In this day and age, families are torn apart and broken.  Parents use their children as leverage to get back at the other.  I absolutely refuse to do that! Children are meant to be children, play have fun and to be light hearted.  They are not meant to be privy to adult conversations and situations. 

I believe that two people are brought together for a reason.  That reason may not be known at first or even thought of. My ex and I were brought together to bring to our lives our 3 beautiful children. For this blogs sake, I will call them Hannah, Evan and David. 

Hannah is 9 and she is a little mini-me... attitude included!! She is my oldest.  She's very sweet and very sensitive. She's so smart, there is no way to fool her about anything!!

Even is 6 and he's gonna be my trouble maker!!  He's a good kid, but has anger and listening issues!! What kids don't, really?! LOL!!

David was our oops!  He's 5 years old and was totally unplanned!  All of our kids were unplanned, but after Evan my ex got fixed.  He refused to go back to the doctor for his checkup and 5 months later we were on our vacation in Mexico and brought back a big surprise!!

As for me and my ex(who I will call Mark), we had been together 11 1/2 years and married for 10.  When we first started out, nothing mattered except each other.  We were able to get through anything as long as we did it together.  But as time passed on and responsibilities of being parents and work and just everyday life that came along with it, we slowly grew apart. I could feel it, but thought we could get through it just like everything else. 

But Mark, oh, how he hated confrontation and feelings!  He ignored our problems, despite my constant saying so. I took on the role of homemaker.  I will be the first to admit that I was (and am not) perfect.  The house may not of been spotless or dishes always done, but the kids were fed and clean and loved!  Despite my marriage, I considered myself a single married parent. Don't get me wrong, Mark was an excellent provider and hard worker. He gave us everything that we needed physically.  Emotionally, he just didn't get it.  He didn't try to give us emotional needs.  He assumed that if we were taken care of, that would be enough.  I refused to live an emotionless life.  Between those things that's what led to Marks affair and my kicking his ass out!

So, now this is my journal of emotions and thoughts and feelings. I'm not saying any of this is right or wrong, but it's me and I will not change. So, accept me for who I am ( a loving mother who wants nothing but the best for her children, someone who likes good clean fun and who wants.... true love) or leave!

This is my journey through divorce with children...